Reality hits home
by miz-annonymouz04
Summary: When Sakura Kinomoto writes down her every thought and everything about her life she didn't expect anyone to read it. So what if someone does?
1. Chapter 1

HEY PEOPLE! New story here and I was kinda going for the sad type but finds happiness in the end story. Lols alot of those I know but this time, I'm kinda writting from personal experience. ENJOY.

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_ In any normal day of your life, did you ever just have nothing to do and wind up wasting your time thinking, thinking about life and how it never seems to go your way, about your family and how they never understand you, about your friends who you cherish, but something inside tells you it doesn't click? Well I have. Everyday for that matter. I'd be there, listening to the television with my brother when sudenlly I'd have this feeling you can't explain deep inside of me. Kind of like a hatred feeling towards myself, envy for anyone happier then me, sadness knowing no one knows what goes on inside my head, what I think about._

_ All people would see was this auburn haired japanese girl. Smart. Witty. Funny. The ONE to stand out in class, the one with more guy friends then girl friends. The one who never gave a second thought about their ideas. How wrong can the human race get. You know how people always say 'don't keep things bottled up inside of you' or 'tell them you love them before it's too late', in my mind thats a lot of bull. Sure I'd want to believe it, but let me ask you, when you hear a miraculous story about someone confessing their love and finding out the other person loves them too, don't you get a little skeptic? A little sadness knowing thats not for you or maybe a little jealousy knowing you can't have that? Well I have._

_ So many things that our generation has to offer yet so little we do. In my opinion, we are all becoming plastics. Not like Regina & her possee in 'Mean Girls' but you know what I mean. We are so obsessed with looking like models, making it big in the future, being all this and that, pleasing everyone, molding ourselves to be just like everyone else yet deep inside that's not what we want. We are the generation that's destroying ourselves little by little. We are very superficial that little things don't even affect us anymore. You might not think we are or that what I say is true, but look around you, compare what you see to the 80s or even the 90s and notice a huge difference._

_ I feel for all of us though. We worry about make-up and what to wear the next day when third-world poverty is still out there. I've often convinced myself, that I can't do anything about it. ' what can I do? One measly person? I'm not even legal yet'. Bono & Bill Gates might be there to save the world but with people like George Bush around, I doubt it._

_ Well, on to things that are closer to home. By the way, did you know that the more you focus on things close to home, the more they HIT close to home because you live right there? Well that's just my opinion. Everyday's the same routine, except for now since its Spring Break though it's coming to an end. Get up, shower, eat, leave for school, pretend to be having fun and to be learning as well as telling your friends school sucks, then it's back to home sweet home._

_ I can't really call home sweet. Sure my mom and dad are still living but my mom re-married to someone else after me. And before me, she was with someone other then otou-san. My two younger sibling and my oldest sibling look all alike. Whoopee! I'm the odd ball of the family even when I don't want to be. Well, at least that's it, I guess. Oh, but I'm also very tall so I'm rediculed for that at home too. I'm fifteen yet I'm ashamed to head to my locker at school because the seniors, well, they never did anything, they probably don't know I exist, but I feel so insecure as if it's a sin to be this tall. No matter, stick a fake smile to my face and everyone's happy. You know, I call it fake but it sometimes really is genuine. Thanks to my friends, Tomoyo, Eriol & Syaoran. _

_ See, Tomoyo and I have been friends since the fourth grade. Syaoran and I also had a thing back then but us, being the young people we are and wanting to grow up to soon called it quits. Safe to say, we never talked, I'd stutter talking to him or even about him and well... yeah. During the fifth grade Tomoyo and I were in different classes as well as the sixth. Our school was weird though, since they didn't have alot of sixth graders and plenty of fifths, they decided to make it 5th-6th grade in one class. So yeah, all my friends were in one class, I was in the other. I bacame good friends with the popular sixth graders in my class then when they were off to junior high it was back to being the lonely smart-aleck. But it was during that year, thanks to my teacher, that I re-connected with Syaoran & became friends with Eriol. So in my class, the only sixth graders friends I had were guys seeing as the girls... well... lets just say they wore small tops & they were very into pink. No, not the singer, that I could have handled, but sadly it was pink the color, and alot of it. I swear, if you lokked at them you would have gone color-blind._

_ Hmmm... this was suposed to be about me telling you how my life sucked but I guess through my story you'll feel the sucky-ness instead of me just spelling it out for you. Yeah. So as I was writting..._

_ We head into the 7th grade. All the old sixth graders (when I was in fifth & last year as well) all we did was wave at each other when we passed in the halls. I only had a few close friends consisting of, you got it, Tomoyo, Eriol and Syaoran._

_ What sucked was that see, we used to live in- shit let me continue this tomorow, my bro's calling me down for super. _

_ Peace and till next time aight? _

_ Hmm... well super's only begining so I supose I can write a few more. I mean... why am I saying peace, not lik anyone could possibly want to read about me, except you diary... ok... I'm going weird now... writting to what I'm writting on... heheh lols. I mean, I'm a social-reject, or so it feels. I'm you average all-in-black as well as sad girl. It might not be but I can't help but feel that way - fuck that was last call. _

_ BYE_

_ P.S: Last call is the last time they call you for super or they use a little bit of your food for rat bait and the rest is history... like you never had anything waiting on the table for you at all. -- Sad, I know, yet oh so true._

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_Sooo..._ How did you guys like it? Well I just hope you did and pleace review and tell me what you think, wheter I should go on with it or not. PEACE!


	2. Me, myself & HIM

BACK!

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_HEY! _

_So what was I saying again? Oh, right. So everything was well until we moved to a house on a street called 'DuBois'. It's a residential street but it like, forms a cross with the street called 'MontCalm'. I don't know if you follow but anyhow, Tomoyo lives on MontCalm and I on DuBois. That's not so bad right? Wrong. See, two houses away from mines, on the same side of the street, right side to be exact, there lived Syaoran. So I was like, no, I don't want to move. Everywalk to school I'd have to see him and face him! We are normal when Tomoyo and Eriol are around you know, four friends hanging out, but when its just us two the tension is on and we barely talk. That is unless I bring up a lame subject like homework for example, sometime's I'd even pretend to have forgotten what they were just to brake the ice._

_Yeah, so I was so caught up in my own problems that I didn't realise Tomoyo was dealing with hers as well. You see, Tomoyo, if your on the sidewalk facing her side of the street, lives ont the right and, whilst Eriol lives on the left end. I kinda think Eriol's ashamed that he lives so close to the school. Because, 90 of the school's population (lol) passes by the left side, which coincidently, is where Eriol's house is located. So like, instead of taking the fastest way home, which is what I would have done, Eriol tags along with us three and takes the longest way home from school._

_So Tomoyo and I kind of think he's weird. He even comes up with lame excuses when we confront him, for example, it's too fast to get home while taking that way. But anyhoo, once a friend always a friend, that... well... that must be someone's motto. Heheh. I'm not sure but I think that Tomoyo and him really connect. For one thing, they are avid Final Fantasy and anime lovers. Really weird when you take into consideration that we are anime, WOOOO! lol No, that last part was a joke, I got my name because of cherry blossoms, Syaoran I don't know, but again Tomoyo and Eriol's names are from that japanese anime, Card Captors, you probably heard about it since it's a big hit._

_So let's see... if we need to get further ahead in this diary, I suppose I should tell you some more about myself. Well, I like anything with the 'Emily Strange' logo on it. I'm good with computers and html codes. You know, when I mean I'm good it doesn't mean I know how to fix one or how to get rid of a virus, even to hack Tomoyo's piczo is a no-no because I don't know how to. But when I say I'm good, it's because I know HTML. Lol, and when you think about it, most people don't. What else, I'm a bookaholic as well as a sleep-a-holic. You know how they say don't sleep alot you're already tall well I bought a Seventeen magasine and Kimora Lee Simons's book, Fabulosity, said to wear heels when you're tall... I don't think I can pull that off, my mom will probably just call me stupid, again. My favorite movie is Napoleon Dynamite (big surprise there) and I'm currently reading 'Da Vinci code', now that's a real blow to the face._

_About my qualities, lets see, I guess I seem though on the outside, I mean, I hit guys with half my strenght and they say it hurts but I see myself as a sucker on the inside. In the sixth grade I used to cut myself for that but now I'm like, what's wrong with me? I can't take the pain without having to cut myself, I'm fleeing from who I really am even though thats being a reject and it hurts, I should face it with pride. Yes, as you probably noticed, I've been labeled, mostly by myself._

_You know one thing I will never forget? It was in the begining of the seventh grade. I kinda wanted to be friends with this prep, or popular girl if you prefer, but everytime I was nice, I didn't understand why, she still prefered Tomoyo's company instead of mines, Tomoyo insulted her face to face but she still hung with her. Then kind of like in the middle of the school year, I became friends with one of her best friends, easy as her bess's locker was next to mines. So we paired up for an english oral team project. Lin, her best friend Tia, Tomoyo, Tac-Shin & I. Lin still wasn't really befriending me but by the end of the month long project, we were as good as friends as Tia and I or Tomoyo and I._

_Great right? Not really. One day, in french class, we headed to the library and my friend commented on how I wore darker clothes then usual. All I did was grunt. Then Lin came over and said: "you know, at the begining, I didn't want to be your friend because of how you dressed. I was scared". But then she continued on and we were still friends afterwards. Real proof of how shallow and dim the world has become. When she finished her sentence I just smiled and said 'dude', my favorite word. But I was hurting inside. I was like, so this is the true nature of people? Befriend the beautiful and lave the rest? I also felt bad because I was like, there you go again Sakura, go on, screw things up for yourself again next year, it's only to be expected you know. What did you think? That she would welcome you with open arms. As all those thoughts raced through my mind I realised, I would have welcomed HER with open arms if she was like me. I guess you never really know when it comes to people right? I mean, gosh, you really think you know a person, and in their world, they see themselves differently from you._

_I always feel like shit. I get out of the shower and that feeling is back like, what am I doing here? Mom screamed at me before and told me I could pack my things and head to dad, yet I don't. I feel sick that I care for someone who doesn't act like she gives shit about me. But you know, another saying, actions speak louder then words, let's see, my mom called me fat and only allows me to drink 1 milk. The way she looks at me you know, even after I pass a test with flying colors, I'm an honor student, highest test scores and report card grades in geography then anyone in my year. I guess its true, you can't please everyone._

_Another one of my traits is that before I have a presentation oranything that envolves talking to a public and making a speech, I'm all cool, calm and collected. But when I get on the stage or in the front of the class, my brain freezes, I avoid eye-to-eye contact and I constantly need my paper under my nose to know what I'm suposed to say. I feel like such a geek._

_I feel like for people like me, as much as I hate labels, I don't fit anywhere. Some people would say good for you, you're unique or its the best type there is, but that's all people who fit into a category. Their words don't affect me until I see it in my eyes that they are like me and that they speak from experience and guess what? I never saw that. The closest person to have come close to discovering all this pain and sadness I feel everyday would definitely have to be my 5/6 grade teacher, Kaho, I think her name was. She always invited her old students to come round her class once in a while to catch-up, I avoid it as much as possible._

_You know that feeling, you want someone to know a secret or something, to relieve yourself of being it's only keeper yet you can't because they won't understand. Or they'll think your weird, or you think you're causing them a burden. Well I feel that everyday. You know, many of you might think I'm a hypocrite, 'oh she writes about world poverty yet all she cares about is if people will see her as a freak'. I've got news for people who think that. Not for everyone but for the majority. For everyone who has ever thought that, I'm glad but you're just as much a hypocrite as I am. Saying I care only for looks, look at yourself, don't you too? Even rejects want to be accepted, want to feel at ease, relieved of tension, and they also will change looks if thats what they need._

_One of my favorite bands is Sum 41, if any of you saw their documentary when they went to Congo, let me just say I was emotionally moved by it. I also like old bands like Aerosmith, fountains of Wayne, etc. But that doesn't mean that I don't listen to Beyonce, or Ne-Yo, or whoever. I bet you thought that I wasn't into pop-culture, well screw you. Nah, stay, read about my boring life. Merde, (french for shit) I feel hungry. I'll go eat and please, tell me if this online-journal is really worth continuing. I kind of like it though you know, seeing life from a 'Sakura Kinomoto's' eyes. One thing I'll let slip, I know I;m still in love with him._

_P.S: If you were paying attention you would know who lols_

_BYE_

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_Soooo, how was that? Lol I know it's nothing much but it's starting to get interesting. Lol R&R THANKS_


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